Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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