I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
