Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He shit in the fireplace
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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