I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
