i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We left an ass print on the piano.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
