just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
