wakey wakey hands off snakey
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
