I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
