i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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