I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
