I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
