Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who died my cat blue again?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
