Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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