My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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