Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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