I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
