at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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