I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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