there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
