She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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