I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude i'm inner monologue high
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
