I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
