i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
