what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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