hotel room ftw
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
