Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
