Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
