Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
