Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The adults are the big ones right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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