Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
