i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
