I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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