my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
