I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
