After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
