I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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