Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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