Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
