why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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