No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
