The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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