Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i love accidental penises.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
