tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
