Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
