I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
