i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
