she was so not down for the gang bang
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
