He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
