i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
