In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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