Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What a dumb baby whore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
