i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
kristin has been a bad kristin
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
