A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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