I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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