need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
