One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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